Back to Bloomington

from August 14th

Camp Rojo has an empty bedroom and a heart that’s achy but also somewhat completely full.

These can exist simultaneously.

Thanks goodness.

but a roller coaster.

I’d say stay away for a few days…(weeks, years, hell idk ) but I need to stay occupied with humans in addition to my normal shenanigans.

Nick is out of town for the week also. So it’s just me and thing 1 and thing 2 with this empty bedroom

I’m deeply and entirely committed to feeling all the things. Pride. Regret. That I should’ve done more, things I should’ve done less. And always that there’s never enough time.

We moved her to a dorm last year - but she was still here, ya know? Her bed. Most of her things. And it’s easy to want to come home in a dorm. And you’re definitely home for breaks and summer.

She tried to take my dog but 1. Landlord said no and 2. Over my actual dead body so I’ve that working for me.

This is different.

She’s got a great house with a great Goop, I mean group.

Grief.

Gratitude.

Grace.

So proud of her. So much anticipation of who she’s still becoming. So much hope. So wishing her bed would stay here. Ya know the white one with the rails? And the mattress that’s just a smidge smaller than a twin and the bedding that comes with a bumper? That one.

I keep hearing Marjorie “Never be so kind, you forget to be clever. Never be so clever, you forget to be kind. Never be so polite, you forget your power.

Never wield such power, you forget to be polite.”

and Maya Angelou “When you walk out of my door, don’t let anybody raise you—you’ve been raised.

You know right from wrong.

In every relationship you make, you’ll have to show readiness to adjust and make adaptations.”

She’s raised. She’s ready.