Remember to grow

Wouldn’t it be nice if all new growth was as beautiful and stunning as an unfurling monstera leaf?

Recently Madeline and I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

I probably hadn’t seen that movie in a couple decades

I didn’t remember much about it, just remembered it was sad.

If you haven’t seen it or don’t remember - the premise is you can go to a place and get someone/thing erased from your memory.

The thing that stuck out this time was a scene in the office of said place that can do the delete and there was a woman sitting with a box of her dog’s things. She’s not in the story more than that. Just her and her box with the dog’s name on it that I can’t remember now.

We often equate bliss with a feeling of good, ecstatic joy, ultimate and complete happiness.

But my favorite definition of bliss is “every feeling fully felt” - Joseph Campbell. That may be a paraphrase but I’m leaving the quotes.

And the idea of wanting to erase the memory of a beloved pet really hit me in the soul.

We have to get better at dealing with pain, whether it’s for our growth and benefit or not. We have to. In a world rampant with toxic positivity and “good vibes only” we’re not created to avoid lower vibration emotions.

I would never want to erase a dog just to avoid the pain of the loss. Because that means all the good is gone too. All of it. You can’t just get rid of the stuff that hurts. It’s part of the entire experience of being human we GET to have. Yes, we GET to have it. Even through #blessed shows up on social media as new cars and stuff (ewwwe) that is not what blessed means.

Our mindset and programming determines everything we do subconsciously and consciously.

Whether we’re aware of it or not and

the truth is it’s all growth - including the pruning and dying away of things and being buried in shit - can be. It can be beautiful. And I don’t use that word here with the intention of meaning “pretty”. Through pain, grief, sorrow, loss the process of becoming is of itself beautiful.

Disclaimer *Please know the intention of my heart is not to discount any feelings ever, and by “dying away of things” I don’t mean actual death of a person. I would never intend to trivialize the pain that comes with that. Nor am I qualified for those complex emotions. Although I have looked extensively at becoming an End of Life doula and know that’s somewhere on my path.

This is the work - it’s so hard. Balancing emotions and feeling and processing them fully - especially in a world where things like crying are seen as weakness. I mean how actually effed up is that.

It’s so hard. I have a hard time letting go of things that hurt me or pissed me off. But I believe it’s necessary. I know I’m creating my own suffering. But somehow in my 40 years on this planet in this life I’ve learned that suffering is what I deserve. But that’s the biggest pile of bullshit in the history of piles of bullshit.

And if there’s one thing I know to be true than true it’s that nothing grows in bullshit.

So. This is the growth. This is what we must do. Or actually undo. High on my to-do list everyday is the intentional, actual work of UNdoing that bad programming.

What’s on your UNdo list today?